The parent’s love

I feel a bit strange when i talk about this topic. It looks like: you dont have to say, parent’s love is always uncondition. Parent always gives you the best.

Well, i agree and disagree. As all people on the Earth knows that parent always want the give the best to us, give us the things which they didnt have it. Time, money, love. As my dad told me, all his life, he wants to see his childrend smiling and being happy.

But, i still disagree about it. Who would know about what is the best for you? Does your parent always give you the thing you need most? Have you ever been hurt because of them?

I have seen many people talking about their parent’s expectation. When parent couldnt be a doctor, they want their kids become doctor. Do their kids want it? When parent didnot have much education, they turn their dreams into their kids, want them become what they dreamed.  Have u ever experienced about comparision? When you have to hear about how the kids next door study, how your sister/ brother behave, how the rest of people on Earth become, and you always behide them.

It’s a bit funny when we talk about this topic, I am imaging my past and look at my parent at the moment. I remember one time, my parent had a fight about me. While my mom was blaming me about something, i was crying and kept saying “im sorry and its my fault”, i even didnt know what my fault was. It was hurt when i saw my parent fight because of me, that’s why i admitted it was my fault. When i was a child, my mom hit her kids, she was upset and angry almost every day. I didnot know why, perhaps her business didnot go well. Or maybe she was not happy about her family.

When my sister passed away, she started to compare me and my sister. She was hurt and brief. But i couldnt find any reason for doing this, comfort her, or wanted me become my sister? She didnot show her love to her kids, and now she was talking about her love with the one living. I was trying to advoid her as much as i can, i didnt want to hurt as well. And i didnt want to hurt her by my words. She had enough wounds.

I think in my country, people dont say love each other often. Children have this mistake too. They show their love in different ways. They hide their wounds because they dont want disappointed their parents. They tried harder even they didnot love what they are doing. They try to advoid a conversation with their parent because they dont want a fight.  Even when they fight back, they do still love their parent. Before, every night i told myself: trying harder, become a good person so my mom can proud of me. Everytime i have a fight with her, i want her understand my opinions, and understand me. Acept me as a naugty daughter, not my sister.

There is always have a light in the dark. I believe, when one of parent turns dark, the other will be the light. If your dad isnot understand you, your mom will or at least she will protect you. Or when ur parent is the dark, you will be the light.  In my case, i think my sister is the light. After the incident, my mom has changed so much. I dont expect her to become my dream mother, she has been better. She is less upset, listens to her kid opinions, talks to them more. Im glad who she is now because we can communicate, exchange ideas. She is still her, but she has been trying to become a better one.

From my experience, i still think parent’s love is positive and negative effects to their children. Both of parent and children hurt their loved one in one way or the other way. But we do love each other, we do want to give the best to each other. Its like the most challenge for the current parent generation when they are trying the best way to advoid it. it seems everyone is trying to become the light and to
shut the dark up.

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Love is blind?

Is it true? 

I had a short discussion with my colleagues about love is blind or not. She was mid-aged and she told me that:

If you dont experience it, you will never believe it! I said these stuff is bullshit when i was 20. But now, i understand, deeply understand. 

True, i havent experienced that. I did have boyfriend, i wanted to give all the best things i had. I wanted to stay with him as much as possible. I did do crazy things, did have some regrets about own love story. And i did break up, did cry out lout, did think like a crazy person. But i still know who i am, who is my parent, who is my bestfriend. And i never want to escape from the world.

I know, you will tell me that im a strong person, i know how to stand when i fall. But from my point of view, if you dont know who are you, how can you in love with someone? Love is not blind, unless you’re blind.

Not love, everything will blind after.

I may not have much experience in my life. But what i believe is, love is your choice and your creation to create what colour of your love will be. Love is not blind, it’s colourful.

~~~~

A small story from a girl who is younger than me. At the time she had problem in her relationship, she shared it to me. I was impressed about what she said:

– I love him more than myself. That’s why i cant break up. Just cant. 

Well, its really hard to throw a big stone in someone in love’s head. But she’s too young, she will have 2,3 or n boyfriends later on. Who knows and who cares. But if every time breaking up happens, she will think she cant live without someone. She doesnt even love herself, who gonna be love her? Am I right?

~~~

For someone, they might give all their youngest and love to the person they love. This is not right or wrong, it’s their choice.

But for me, i always keep something for myself. I still do love eat by myself in the big restaurant, i still go cinema to watch some movies by myself even i have boyfriend. Being alone is a bit sad, but sometimes it’s interesting and enjoyable. I believe, when i keep something for myself, it makes me feel I am still more important than the person i love.

I make my own colour, instead of blindness. And this is my choice.

A new beginning.

Well, i didnot realise that i had have this blog for almost 3 years now. Wow. I just reset my password and start something new.

These days, i really want to write something about all topics “under the Sun”. But i hate to write it on Facebook where i have more than 60 friends. And I normally dont judge people around me, but i do and people.will do. I know its wrong and i dont want to pretend im a good girl. Nah, im a bad one. Therefore, i want to advoid writing anything on facebook because, number 1: i dont want to share my thinking/ felling/ point of view to everyone. Number 2: i advoid judging from people i know. Numer 3: i want to write in English.

Hopefully, i wont get bored for this place, like i used to be. I will put more effort, improving my worse writing, sharing ideas and recieving ideas. Or just a place i can write anything.

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